Real Life

I love inspirational quotes, blog posts that uplift and empower, special moments with my kids, family vacations, and backyard camping. I love Hallmark moments.

I like to look back at photos from happy days, with my smiling boys and fun yet educational outings. I love to plan those rare days, where I leave the hated blackberry at home and focus on what matters. On those days I dream of my future with a flexible work schedule on my terms where I have more days like this.

But sometimes I put so much pressure on myself and our family to have all days be like that. I'm on vacation this week, and despite lack of finances to go away, I wanted to plan a fun and memorable stay-cation. I made a Pinterest board, I posted on Facebook, I made notes and did research. I emailed the schedule out, and told everyone it would be like vacation except we'd sleep at home. But it didn't really turn out that way.

My husband got sick, which happens way too often, which ended much of our plans. So I sat home and sulked while letting the boys watch all the TV they wanted. I'm sulking over vacation days wasted and plans ruined and what I think I deserve on my rare free days.

Reality check. Life doesn't always go to plan, people get sick, things happen. And today I'm not even going to remind myself of all I know, that these days can be just as good (or better) than the planned days, that I have much to be thankful for.

Today, I'm sharing a photo of reality. Not the pretty happy photos we all usually post, but the gritty real life we share with those we love.





We too often put up a front that all is well and life is grand. Then others wish their life was like that. We all do it sometimes, either faking it or wishing for a life we don't even realize is faked. But we all have these days, not every moment is Hallmark.

Sharing life is sharing it all.

And I'll start saving money to plan a real vacation soon!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What's In a Name

A handful of people have asked about the title of my blog.  Most likely haven’t given it any thought, but for some people who spend their lives searching for missing, they wonder why it isn’t titled ‘Finding Austin’ and I had trouble articulating my reasons.  But here goes.  

I say ‘Losing Austin’ because it was a process that started much earlier than June of 2007.  I think it started quite a few years before, as he faced some things that kids shouldn’t have to, but many do, including unexplained physical pain, and family issues that caused emotional pain.  I’ve hesitated to ever put that thought into writing, but it’s not to point blame.  It’s my view of when we started losing him.  We lost him a little more years later when injury and heartache compounded, and from that point never seemed to really find him again.  He was standing in front of us, but we didn’t see all that was really there.  

I say ‘Losing Austin’ because I feel some of the blame of not catching him before he was gone.  

I say ‘Losing Austin’ because that’s the starting point of this journey.  

'Finding Austin’ sounds to me that all our hope and faith resides around that event.  We pray for it, hope for it, believe on it, but our real hope is in God’s faithfulness regardless. 

‘Finding Austin’ would say, to me anyway, that our focus is on finding him and our story stops there.  I pray that I one day write about this crazy significant point.  But our story doesn’t and can’t end there.  Our story is about our response to losing him, and being called to work through it.

‘Finding Austin’ would seem to say that I really contribute to efforts to find him.  I don’t even know how at this point.  

‘Finding Austin’ would seem to signify that once we find him, all is well.  But all will not be well, it won’t bring that magical mythical “closure” that many goodheartedly say we need.  When we no longer have a missing loved one, new challenges begin, and new healing can begin.  Begin is the key word. 

‘Finding Austin’ might keep me mentally and emotionally focused on that goal, almost stuck until we reached it.  I didn’t need a reminder of our goal; it’s never far from mind.  What I needed was an honest look at where I’ve been, to help direct where I’m going.  

I believe and hope that there will be a post titled ‘Finding Austin’ one day soon.  What I do know, is that he was never lost to God, has been in his hands always.  We just get to keep working on filling in the details.

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.